His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
