Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
