member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
