everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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