I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
