he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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