I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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