We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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