i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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