Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
