Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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