I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
