; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
