How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
