Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
