I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
