I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
