I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize