He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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