I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
