I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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