She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
