Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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