And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
