I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
