How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
