I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
