i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize