Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
