I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
