I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
