your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
