I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
