I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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