i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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