found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
