omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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