Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
