Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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