the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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