No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
