she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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