this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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