Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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