It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You've changed since you got that strap on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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