At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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