4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
