so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
