I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize