watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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