He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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