yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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