pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
