I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
