I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
