why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
