Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
