Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
