apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
