oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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