if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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