Me. At least after what I've been through.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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