Plan B is the new Plan A
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
