I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
