just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
