woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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