I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
