You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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